I returned home from Russia nine days ago. And nine days ago I didn’t think I had
anything to write about concerning my mission trip. I couldn’t find my purpose in having gone to
Russia. So I said to God, “Please show
me what it is I need to write about.
Please show me why I even went over to Russia, because I don’t
understand. I can’t really see why I
went over there.” Hearing my entreaty,
God was faithful to answer my prayer and, during the past five days, my
thoughts have come together in a way I could never have anticipated.
If one thought could summarize my overall mission trip
experience, it would be the one that has repeatedly crossed my mind – it’s not
your mission. That thought, once home,
overwhelmed me. It is something that
flooded my mind and my spirit. It was
the central message I kept being bombarded with over and over and over again.
“Not my mission,” was the most evident truth that I not only
thought, but also felt while in Russia.
It started with the loss of all control over my circumstances. Once I arrived in Russia, my ability to
control anything was literally taken away. I couldn’t control when I ate, what I ate, who
I ate with, where I slept, who I slept with, or what I was doing minute-to-minute. This might seem trivial, but if you, as a North
American, even just imagine yourself in those circumstances, you’ll realize
it’s alarmingly meaningful to give up the control our culture tends to
prize. Compared to ours, Russian culture
does not celebrate or value individual control as we do so having a lack of
control is not nearly as bothersome for Russians in general.
Having been stripped of my ability to control my personal
circumstances, I had only a few choices.
I could complain…which I did for a very short period of time before I
realized complaining was not going to change anything. That’s when I stopped and turned to God,
realizing I had taken my eyes off of Him because I was so worried about my loss
of control over my circumstances. Things
started to change once I returned my focus to Him and said, “Okay God, I don’t
understand what’s going on here. Please
forgive me for forgetting that You’re really in control anyway, and know that
my fake sense of self control has somewhat crumbled before my eyes and
Yours. This is all on You. I accept that now. Please forgive me. I surrender to You.”
It started with me not really being affected when plans fell
apart, leaving us missionaries to spend time alone with God. “Such a privilege,” I thought. When was the last time I could actually say I
had time ALONE with God? It had been
years, years since I was not overwhelmed by the pressures of my life, the
people in my life, and the schedules I keep for myself and my loved ones. I began to see this “alone time” as a real,
necessary privilege…a time where I could read the bible and actually pause to
think about what I read in the simplest way possible without distraction. I actually took the time to watch things without
worrying about what I needed to do in the next 10 minutes or where I needed to
be - none of those familiar pressures distracted me from observing God’s
creations. I even took the time to watch
ants crawl along the ground as I did when I was a child! It became obvious that God had given me an
opportunity to connect with Him and He was saying, “Come and let’s chat!”
Before I left for Russia, I spent quite a bit of time trying
to remember how to present the Gospel using the Evangeacube, a tool designed for
sharing the Gospel. I used the cube a
total of 3 times while in Russia and what I said never came out of my mouth the
same way any of those times. What I did
share over and over again was my own personal testimony, a testimony I’ve never
shared at home…a testimony I’ve always been ashamed to share because I thought
it was too raw, too much for someone to hear.
I had always heard that you don’t want to ever go into the details about
what a mess you were before Christ. Well,
that rule didn’t apply in Russia and adhering to it clearly wasn’t what God had
in mind. It was in Russia that I shared
the worst of who I was and the wonder of who I had become after asking Christ
to be my life. The story of my personal
journey to Christ was powerful and I saw its impact in the faces of the Russians
who listened.
I saw what the Gospel did when it was spoken to people. One thing it always did no matter where we
were, was silence people. You could
always hear a pin drop when the name, “Jesus,” was mentioned. I saw a few other things, too. One was that people either scattered after
that moment of silence or, alternatively, someone or something would cause a
disruption when we approached individuals about their having a choice to accept
or reject Jesus. I saw Satan’s
interference clearer than I had ever seen it before. It started to be something that could be
predicted like clockwork and I was amazed.
Once we were out in a very small village where a small crowd
had gathered to listen to us. And just
at that moment when the time came for the members of our audience to make their
own decisions about Jesus, a man started arguing about their impending personal
choices. We thought, “Well, Satan has
won here,” but sure enough, we were wrong!
Five children who had been listening to us intently accepted Christ as
their Lord and Savior once they were separated from our audience’s
argumentative adult members.
I learned not to be upset if someone didn’t get it, if
someone didn’t make a decision for Christ.
I remembered that it wasn’t about any one person’s decision at the
moment. Instead, it was about the fact
that they now had heard. The bible says
that scripture is sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the
marrow. It also says that God’s word
never comes back void. I learned to
trust and know that my job was to tell about God’s word, not to work out other
people’s decisions. That part was in
God’s hands.
I also witnessed spiritual warfare at its highest. I witnessed believers at each other’s throats
and, in my own life, experienced more than one attack. The first attack occurred on my first day in
Russia when I found myself sad and crying uncontrollably for no reason. I couldn’t make sense of it and, frankly, I just
wanted to go home. Months earlier, I had
been told this happened to some people, but I never thought I’d be one of those
people. Well, it turns out I was one of
them. I think I was the only one of my
group who experienced this sadness and I had to be reminded of what it was and
that it would pass. And with prayer, it
did.
A week into the trip, I received a call from the states
saying my husband, Larry, was in the ICU.
Larry was fine when I left. But
for some reason in the week since I’d been gone, his breathing had practically
stopped, his kidneys had stopped working and he was hanging on death’s
door. It was extremely clear to me why
this had happened - it was an attempt to get me to return to the states and to
not finish out the second week of my trip.
But what ended up happening was not a victory for Satan, but
a victory for God instead. I was renewed
with a passion and strength I could not describe. I knew where it was from and I was very
grateful. My tears were limited and He
kept my mind on the mission at hand. It
was incredible. This event inspired my
family members back home, giving them all a strength they did not know they
could receive. As proof, my daughter
wrote the following on her Facebook wall:
“I was able to speak with my mom this morning after calling E3
Ministries emergency hotline last night. She called the hospital very early
this morning and all my dad could get out was "stay in Russia". This
is ALL the devils work, but we will continue to praise God for all that he has
done and for sparing my father's life - my mom will continue God's work in
Russia - she cried on the phone when
I
talked to her but I let her know that Nicole and I are taking care of
everything and what she's doing is important and that she is needed more where
she's at. On the same note I found a missing bolt on my car this morning. The
spiritual battle is heavy right now, but our family’s morale is incredibly
high! The devil may have afflicted my father’s health, but God did not allow
him to take his life. I saw my dad this morning, he's still in ICU, and does
not look good but according to his nurse he's much better than he was
yesterday. His O2 levels were at 52 when he arrived (which could have easily
killed him) and he aspirated vomit (TMI I know sorry), he's still vomiting
blood this morning but he's MUCH better. Thank you everyone for your prayers
and support - keep praying because God DOES hear us!”
Isn’t
what she wrote both insightful and powerful? Well, the work God did on behalf of my family
didn’t stop there. My soon-to-be son-in-law
received Christ as his Lord that week also!
God was moving in ways I had not imagined. Isn’t that just like God, though? To work outside of our own understanding
because of who He is?
My
second week in Russia started off wonderfully.
We headed to a smaller city called “Shebekino.” We stayed in Shebekino with a Pastor and his
family; a family that truly lives for and praises Christ for everything and a
pastor with a testimony as hard and difficult as mine…one that he shared with
us.
Our
host had killed a man many years ago accidently and never spent time in jail
even after turning himself into the authorities. He attributes all of this to the Creator. A life changed. A testimony for all to see in his community. A family that survives on $250 a month. A family of four - they were happy beyond
anything I had ever seen before. It
wasn’t faked or forced. It was genuine
and it was real. I felt it and I saw
it. Our time there was well spent and I
realized then why Satan had wanted me to not complete my second week…and I understood
why God was determined that I did.
Something
that I knew for sure throughout my trip, was that I was being prayed for. I was reminded of that daily in my spirit and
I was very aware that the prayers of others were being heard by God. For instance, I knew I was starting to get a
urinary tract infection, but then the symptoms would just go away. When I came home, a friend told me she had
been compelled to pray that I would stay healthy.
I
never experienced any sort of jet lag after I arrived or Russia or when I
returned home. I later found out that a
group of people had been praying specifically for our team of North American’s
to be spared jet lag.
During
my time overseas, I did not experience the normal arthritis pain I live with
every day, but it started again once I got back home…just another example of
how I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was being helped because of the
prayers of people, of God’s children.
The
Russian people that I met were lovely and wonderful. They were a joy to be around. My roommate of 18 days, Ann, was a wonderful
person and if I pause to think about it, I would have to say she was a blessing
to me…a new friendship created with someone who led a life very similar to
mine. I remember thinking at the end of
the day it was nice that she was there.
It was almost as though we had been friends for years. I actually miss her now.
I
have no idea if God has plans for me to return to Russia or not. But what I can say is that I’m happy and
grateful that He allowed me to take part in His mission. I will not forget my time there.